"Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her..."

My last post is five months old, but I will begin exactly where I left off. I would like to address topics related to sexuality and chastity one at a time, and I would like to start with something which is typically seen as a male problem. I want to talk about sexual objectification and lust, about seeking sexual pleasure from how you think of people around you. I want to start here, with my own duty before anything else. Of course, that is not to say that women never sexually objectify men, but that's not typically what we think of.

As I emphasized last time, at bottom, this is about respect. Anything which does not show proper respect for people, for sexuality, and for the body is bad.

Pornography requires us to think of these things as existing merely for our pleasure and fails to treat them with respect. In addition, pornography has been linked by scientific study to a variety of problems (for example, aggression, as documented in this article), so even one who does not believe as I do concerning sacred things ought to be a bit suspicious of the media.

But beyond pornography, it is quite possible to be disrespectful. A guy staring at a woman's breasts tends to make the woman feel violated. This is precisely because he has, whether she catches him at it or not, disrespected and violated her. If he is seeking to be aroused or treating her as nothing more than her body, or her body as nothing more than an object for his viewing pleasure, then this is a violation of basic respect.

Let me consider a nuance. I am not saying that you should feel terrible and disrespectful for simply noticing that someone is sexually attractive. Noticing something is not the same as mentally undressing someone. But there's a definite line. It is defined by respect. Is there disrespect in how you look at or think of a person? Do you seek sexual pleasure in a situation which is not in line with the sacredness of sexuality (the appropriate situation requires both marriage and consent... and even if you don't believe in the sacredness of sexuality as I do, I hope you at least recognize the necessity of consent)? Do you look at or think of someone as less than a person, as an object for gratifying your sexual desire?

One final point: society at large seems to do its best to ignore this, especially when men are the offenders (I have a complicated relationship with the word "feminism" because it has so many meanings, but on this point I'm a rather unabashed feminist). Nobody ever seems to tell a man that there's anything wrong with pornography, and the only problem with staring is that she might catch you. So if you're a man and you're reading this, it's probably a challenge to what you believe, what you've been taught. But give it some thought. Remember that thoughts lead to actions. Then think about what respect would ask of you in how you look at and think of women.

Title: Matthew 5:28